The Dark Lord of Derkholm

The Dark Lord of Derkholm by Diana Wynne Jones
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In a magical world devastated by packs of other-worldly tourists, a good-hearted wizard Derk is named Dark Lord and must organize the scenic evil - and just maybe free his world from tyranny.

A long time ago, an off-worlder named Mr. Chesney gained an exclusive monopoly on extravagant "Pilgrim Parties" to Derk's world. These tours trample the countryside, deplete resources, demand the energies of all the wizards in the world, and often cause fatalities during epic battles between sham forces of Good and Evil. But Chesney has a powerful demon on his side, so no one dares to break the contract - even though Chesney is the only one benefiting from the arrangement.

Led by a powerful female wizard named Querida, the world's leaders are fighting back: as part of their plan they elect the modest Derk as Dark Lord. He in turn enlists the help of his seven talented children (five of whom are griffins of his own design) and his wife, Mara. Along the way Derk enlists his menagerie of winged pigs and horses, hyper-intelligent geese, invisible cats, and dragons to organize night attacks and epic battles. In spite of these helping wings, paws and claws, everything that can go wrong inevitably will go wrong.

Serious things are at stake in this story, because every year people die on the tours (so the funny premise is actually pretty dark in execution). In a cold-blooded arrangement of Mr. Chesney's, some Pilgrims are marked down for assassination by grasping relatives - they are "expendables" - criminals are forced to work as mercenary armies, and the natives of Derk's world supply bodies for Pilgrims to fight and sometimes kill. It's pure exploitation, infuriating and inescapable.

There are a dizzying number of characters to keep track of, both human and nonhuman. (My personal favorite is Pretty, a derpy winged colt who can talk and causes plenty of mayhem wherever he goes.) Derk is sympathetic, as are his children, and the obstacles of organizing a planet-wide fantasy cliche for the Pilgrims provides plenty of action and interest. It's an entertaining story, a few notches below my absolute favorite Diana Wynne Jones book, Howl's Moving Castle. (Howl is a lighter, funnier send-up of fantasy tropes; less extravagantly plotted but more cohesive as a result.)

Pretty!

Another read-alike would have to be the very funny To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis, a time-traveling story that features some expert juggling of multiple characters and chaotic events. If you're a true Diana Wynne Jones fan, don't miss The Dark Lord of Derkholm. If you're not so sure you like her brand of storytelling but still want to check her out, start with Howl instead. For more of Derk and his oddball family, check out Derkholm's sequel, The Year of the Griffin.

Shades of Grey

Shades of Grey by Jasper Fforde
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

"1.1.19.02.006: Team sports are mandatory in order to build character. Character is there to give purpose to team sports." - p. 255

Sent to Chromatacia's backwaters to count chairs, ambitious Eddie Russett slowly uncovers the truth about his hue-obsessed society.

Where to begin? The world of this book is as endlessly complex and clever as Fforde's surreal Thursday Next series. Chromatacia's inhabitants are obsessed with color: the color you are able to see (red, blue, green, etc.) determines your rank in the Colortocracy. Night is a terrifying emptiness, since no one can see in the dark. Artificial color production drives village life. Everyone is expected to appreciate the "simple pleasures of relentless toil" and devote their lives to supporting the community, accepting their genetically determined places in the hierarchy.

Then there are the interminable Rules of Munsell, which must be obeyed to the letter - no matter how absurd or nit-picky they seem to be. (One notable lapse in the Rules has led to a severe spoon shortage, which makes the utensils more precious than gold.) Every year there are Leapbacks - erasures of technology and knowledge, designed to simplify society. (Much like the Ministry of Truth's Newspeak in Orwell's 1984, and  obviously named to recall Mao's Great Leap Forward) In short, it's an entire society run like an English boarding school: rigorous dress codes, mealtimes, required activities, strict standards of behavior, and punishments for infractions.

Eddie Russett knows how to navigate the Rules to his advantage. He's slightly engaged to a wealthy Oxblood from the highest echelons of the Colortocracy, and things look good for his future. But his habit of questioning tradition gets him shipped out to the boonies where he runs across a colorblind Grey named Jane, who has a charmingly retroussé nose...and Russett unwittingly begins to unravel the mysteries at the dark heart of his seemingly placid society.

Fforde excels at high-concept stories with fun characters and plenty of wit. His humor and writing style remind me of Connie Willis's To Say Nothing of the Dog. There are also echoes of Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, and Chromatacia echoes the bizarre real-life dystopia of North Korea in Nothing to Envy by Barbara Demick. The humor may get dark, but it never feels cynical thanks to the likable narrator. I can't believe I have to wait until 2015 for the sequel, Painting by Numbers. That's totally beige.

Quotable:
"It began with my father not wanting to see the Last Rabbit and ended with my being eaten by a carnivorous plant. It wasn't really what I'd planned for myself - I'd hoped to marry in the Oxbloods and join their dynastic string empire." - p. 1

Three Free Books

Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927)
I came across the name of this comic novel in Connie Willis' fantastic time-travel novel To Say Nothing of the Dog. The hero of that novel undergoes a Victorian trip up a river (with said dog), and is constantly reminded of Jerome K. Jerome's three men. I love British humor--and funny novels in general--so I've added it to my list for one of those days when I just need a boost.

A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs (1875-1950)
John Carter is a Civil War veteran who finds himself mysteriously transported to Mars, where he is held captive by Green Men, meets a gorgeous alien princess, and fights a battle to save Barsoom. (Barsoom is the native name for Mars.) You may or may not remember the giant flop that was Disney's John Carter. Well, that was based on this series of eleven enormously popular science fantasy novels by Edgar Rice Burroughs (the man who brought us Tarzan of the Apes, also coincidentally a Disney film).

The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce (1842-?)
Journalist and short-story writer Ambrose Bierce's acerbic wit is legendary, and you've probably heard many of the cynical definitions in his Dictionary without realizing where they came from--he's often quoted without proper attribution. The definitions were initially published a feature in a newspaper in 1881 and were later collected in a book. Here's a sampling:

LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. [...] It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

PATIENCE, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

I could continue, but you should really just get the book for free at Gutenberg. Just be warned: he wasn't called Bitter Bierce for nothing!

Books aside, Bierce himself is an interesting historical figure. For one thing, he looked like this around 1866:


(I'm digging the mustache.Short bio and bibliography here.)

For another, you might have noticed the question mark for his date of death. Some people put it around 1913 or 1914, when at the age of 71 he was in Mexico to observe the Mexican Revolution (led by Pancho Villa) and vanished without a trace.

So you have a cynical, acid-tongued journalist who at the age of 71, controversial in his day, who vanished under mysterious circumstances. Intriguing. His disappearance is one of the great unsolved historical mysteries, and we may never know what really happened to Bitter Bierce.

On Time Travel

To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

An elusive Victorian gewgaw draws a time-traveling historian into the slippery nets of history, and the fate of the universe may turn on a drowned cat, a woman's indecipherable diary, an unknown Mr. C, and the bombed-out church at Coventry - to say nothing of the bulldog. Anyone who loves Agatha Christie's puzzles, P.G. Wodehouse's starchy butlers and silly gentlefolk, or Jerome K. Jerome's Three Men in a Boat will appreciate this cheerful romp.


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